Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
