Don't make out with my wife yet
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
