You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
