I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The power of my boobs compel you
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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