I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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