you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it because I queefed?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
