found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
