my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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