my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
