I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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