He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
