Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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