i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I love you. Go after that dick
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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