i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's official drugs can't kill me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
