The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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