I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
