from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
