Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
