if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
3 2 1 whiskey
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
