Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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