Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
