I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
