well I can't set my house on fire every night
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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