Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
