i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
