So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
