wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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