At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
