I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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