help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
