Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
