dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
