Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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