he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
