You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
