Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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