Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
