I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
