Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
