I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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