Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Can i not drive my cunt home
I could make wine with my vomit
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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