umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
