i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I fill condoms, not promises.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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