Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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