Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
