piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have fence marks all over my body
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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