trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
