Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
