You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
