I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
this hospital has no fireball
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
