The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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