Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
