im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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