The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
